Finding Grace: Navigating the Challenges of Family Life

My husband and I have been married now for 14 years, so we have learned to understand each other’s quirks and tendencies. However, when we first moved in together, I was so frustrated for a few months of living in the same place with someone else. It’s hard to navigate a new territory full of someone else’s mood swings, habits, and ways of thinking. I knew my husband was a night owl, but to what extent I did not know until we lived under the same roof. I am not a night owl at all, so getting used to his ways of relaxing and staying up at night playing video games was frustrating to me at first. It is also easy to see the daily chores of life as a scoreboard as well. For example, how many times the trash was taken out this week by your spouse vs. you. It was easy to fall into the competition trap of who does more in the household. Grudgingly washing the dishes and cleaning while he sits there after work watching T.V. “How dare he relax! I’m so busy taking care of this house.”  The stress of learning how to grow in love and understanding puts a strain on many marriages.

The various chores of the household need to be done to maintain a healthy, safe and happy environment for your family. The way you divide those activities is an individual family’s choice, so I’m not going into too much detail on the activities themselves. Rather we need to turn our focus inward for self-reflection when we contribute to the household through acts of service. Have you ever heard the saying “Cook with love?”  The same could be true for cleaning. We should take care of our house and our things, as we do our children. Always with love. Doing the laundry, mowing the yard, and washing the dishes are acts of service to the ones you love most. Fill your heart with gratitude because you GET to wash the dishes for your loving family God has so graciously given you. Our mindset of gratitude, kindness, and love can help us when we feel tired, impatient, and helpless. When I come home from a long day and there are dirty dishes, I must take a deep breath and remind myself to look for the good. Maybe the dishes are there because my husband cooked dinner, or maybe he was outside playing catch with my youngest child instead.  Try to begin learning your and your families’ love languages, so that you can interact and understand each other on a deeper level.  My daughter’s love language is acts of service, so she came to me appreciative and thanked me when I put ice in her water bottle because the ice-cold water tastes so much better. She recognized that little gesture I did without really much effort, and she appreciated me for it. Service to your family shows them you love them, and each family member contributing to the household in various ways allows for the family to thrive in connection and love towards one another building a strong bond truly representative of God’s love.

Book Recommendation: “The Five Love Languages” The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman